The Village Idiot

Let’s see what is my identity now oh yeah the village idiot. Not that I am an idiot by far or at least I don’t think so. Wow I guess if I question it there may be a slight chance I just maybe one.

Of course I have carried many identities and I guess mom and grandma has been the most important of them......

And not in any specific order in the meaning of them this is just as they come to this idiot’s brain.......

Sister - only when they have time in their busy life or when they need me to do something for them.

Daughter - wow this is the tricky one or at least one of the tricky ones. Right now it’s not a very important job. She doesn’t need me and well lets not go digging up things to off track this train right now.

Supporter - well yes I am the idiot that supports everyone in their time of need. Yes I am the one that is always there when the phone rings at 2 am or sometimes 4am to go rescue them in there times of need.

Whipping post - yes this one is a good one and yes I have been this very well. Specially when some of my friends are angry at other things and I just happen to get in the crossfire. Shit doesn’t float but let me tell you it sure does hurt sometimes. There is nothing like a friend being angry with themselves about something they screwed up and you are around and they take it out on you.

Good listener -well lets just say if I could get paid for this job I would be set for life. I do listen very well I try never to judge or offer any words unless asked for an opinion . But even then it can come back on you from the one who asked maybe days, months, and yes even years down the road.

Friend -and I have thought I have always been a very good one too. Good bad and indifferent I try to be the best one I can to the point sometimes it takes over my life and all of my energy. And I guess I would say this is a very important one also. Ever heard of that saying “You never have too many good friends”? It’s not the point of how many friends you have but what is the quality of the friend is hence the word “GOOD “.
Now with this one comes some varies sidelines to it. First off is it “GOOD” friends on both sides or is it a one sided thing. And I guess to say what is “GOOD” depends of the type of friend you are to someone.
If you are one of those fair weather friends that only needs a friendship when things are going bad then well you get what you give. My meaning of a “GOOD” friend is someone that is not just there in the bad time to hold you up and share you pain and vice verse. But someone that is there in the wonderful time to share in the laughter and make you laugh.
Someone that is not afraid to be honest when you put that god ugly shirt on. Or when your getting ready to walk out the door for a date they let you know you have a big boogey hanging out of your nose….lol…
Yeah laugh but just how many friends do you have that would just let you leave and go out in public with one of those things hanging because the felt embarrassed and just said nothing???
Ok you got the picture on the friend thing I guess.

Follower -well this may only be somewhat. And it all depends on what I am following to….lol… If it has to deal with fun then yeah I would say so. I guess if I really think of it this is the one that gets me into so much trouble too.

Rule follower -well to some point I would say yeah. But I do have the reputation of not following too. Not that I break the rules on purpose it’s just sometimes I get to where I don’t think before I act. Specially when I am hanging out with so called friends and few drinks are involved. Then sometimes I do slide on some and they are mostly ones that other friends have emplaced on me for there own behalf.

Wallflower -well this one could really be fun but I won’t get too deep into this one for reason it may get me into a shit load of trouble. But yeas I have been a wallflower and just sat there and watch things go by and sometimes even come back.

Dumping ground - Not only would I say yes but “HELL YES”. For everyone. Family that is for sure, friends oh yeah, fellow employees well you get the picture I guess. Yeah I get dumped on about a lot of things and even some I have no answers for. But my sign say’s today ---”HEY DUMP IT HERE I CAN TAKE ALL THE SHIT YOU CAN GIVE”. and there are other signs too.

Bench warmer - Wow this one is and can sometimes be funny. And I don’t see this as someone sitting on a set making it warm for the next person. That’s way to simple for this idiots brain. I mean yeah I am the one they all was send in first to make sure things are alright before they come in. And I have been the one that has been here “hey try this tell me what you think” before they try it in hopes that if it’s not right and you puke then hey they don’t have to try it.

Fill in friend - Oh yes I did this also only until they found someone else they thought would be better at giving them what they wanted than me. And also until they became strong enough not to need you any more.....

Cook - Ok I love to cook. Well the truth is I love to play with food. I like to fix food for people specially ones like and I enjoy watching them eat. It makes me happy and I get lost when I am cooking sometimes I think when I cook and maybe that’s why I like it so well.

Lover - When I do this I do it with passion and I give everything I am inside. This part of me comes not just from my heart but it also comes from the deepest part of my soul. When I love I love with every once in me, freely and unconditionally.

Entertainer - Ok I can say I do this to a point where sometimes it can be funny. My friends know that when things are getting boring well there is always me to save the day. I make them laugh and do the natural thing yeah be the village idiot big time….lol…

Wife - This I only held twice in my life and I can say that holding this identity is a tricky one also. It all depends on the other half of this card. The two halves I had were what I would say not very good. So I failed at this one and I think that in years down the road if there were any chances to try again to see if I may even complete this task with a grade above a D- there would be no way in hell to attempt this one again. I have learned a lot about this marriage thing and really it’s for some but others should just read about it and experience it threw others. Because frankly it’s not cracked to be what everyone says it is. There is no such thing as happily ever after in this realm. And being alone yeah maybe be hard on holidays and nights. You may have to go to the movies alone or even have dinner alone. And my favorite vacation alone. But I never have to look across the table at the one I am married to and sit there and feel like I am alone.

Taxi cab - Drive friends around that are either too drunk to drive or hey can you give me a ride to the store so and so has my car. Well it sounded good at the time I guess this one could get pretty annoying.

Nurse - Oh yes…. I do this very well take care of others. When your sick I am there with the cold medicine, aspirin, antidiarrea medicine, water, what ever it takes. Cold cloth, heat rub, rub your feet when they hurt, rub your tired muscles, what ever you need. I take care of everything and try very hard to help you get back to good health. Well I did use to be a nurse so it’s basic instinct for me.

Drinking buddy - Well this is only at times. I will sit there and drink with you and laugh and listen and eve get caught up into the stupid little things that are happening. But then there are times I just sit and watch because if I do drink it maybe just a start of something that can’t be controlled.
I don’t do this nearly as much as I use to do many years back.

Now this is some of the identities I have had over the years. Most of these I guess you could look at and even laugh because they are some what funny. But then there is an identity that isn’t so funny and I guess I feel this one is only put there because of me and how I feel about some things.

Whore - I am not talking about the women that choose to do this as a business. Or in fact just choose to be this. I am talking about caring for someone and they just push you off to the side and you feel like your not important. You care and love them and when it’s all but done you sit there with this feeling in the bottom of your stomach like you should be picking up some money off the night stand by the bed.
I have felt this way before with someone very close to me that I cared for. Something happen and things were said and the next thing I know I am sitting on the edge of the bed the next morning feeling like I had just been picked up for services rendered that night. That’s a pretty bad feeling to have when it’s someone that has told you they loved you once.

Well I guess a majority of my life has been spent on identities to be what others wanted from me or out of me. Some.... well they were fun and you could get a good laugh out of others. Some were heart warming and even important.

I know growing up my life was never perfect and I wasn’t the most popular girl. Hell more than likely if you were to ask some of the ones I went to school with who I was they would stand there with the look of search on there face for a few moments and then say “I’m so sorry I just don’t recall that person in my class.
Now who did you say she hung around with”?

And for me to sit here and say I was pretty well that lie isn’t going to get told that way. No I wasn’t pretty in school either. I was rail thin and long shoulder length stringy blonde hair not because it was dirty but because it was so thin baby fine. I didn’t like my nose back then to me it seemed like a small ball just sitting in the middle of my face. No I was pretty then and to tell the truth I am not pretty now either at least not in my eyes.

I tried very hard to fit into something back then during school years as I try now to fit into something here in this time. I try to accept that there just maybe no place to fit into in this life.

Yet I can’t understand what’s so hard that I have trouble believing and even grasping that somewhere in this so called life of mine that I can’t get across the simple thing as “just accept me for who I am".
"Not what I can do or give or who I even know”. Me the one that stands in the rain and closes her eyes and imagines standing there with the one that see’s beneath the outer layer. That looks into your eyes and see the little girl with the heart of gold that would not harm a fly.
To see the girl that wants nothing more that to be loved like she loves.
Wow where did that come from.

It’s sometimes is hard to express why and how you feel something. Because it’s only a feeling. To say my heart is breaking some may say that is an emotion and where you are grabbing is only a muscle to pump blood through the body and there is no way that a muscle can break.
If this is the case why do people die from broken hearts??

So with this in mind I guess I can also add broken hearted fool to the list of identities too. So with that lets see the list of the village idiot.

***************Duties of the village idiot********************
The duties involved in this prestigious post are broad and deep.
They include:
1) Falling off walls
2) Spontaneously breaking into Barbara Streisand songs
3) Getting totally inebriated
4) Peeping on naked 'villagers' without fear of recriminations (because of the 'special' status attributed to village idiots) well this one doesn’t pertain to me because I find other stupid things to get into and frankly some people just shouldn’t be seen in the nude…
5) Knocking on doors and then pretending to be invisible
6) Changing the terrorism alert colour chart on behalf of the 'Department of Homeland Stupidity' (Also known as government)
7) Hijacking a passenger plane with a spoon or just a finger
8) Contributing nonsense such as this to Uncyclopedia
9) Inventing practical items with no real use (solar powered flashlight, the fish drowner, etc.)
The following are just mere add-ons’ of my list to an already established list for the village idiot.

1) Believing in something you can’t put your finger on
2) Believing in someone fully thinking they would never do anything to hurt you no mater what
3) Having faith that some where out there is someone that will not only like you but care about you for you and not what you can give or do for them
4) Opening up and giving another human being the chance to reach in and twist you from point A to point B
5) Believing that what you see makes you special is what other people see too

I guess I could go on but more than likely you have reached this point and you may not be laughing any more. Which in that case I guess it doesn't really matter...

Well I said I was the village idiot not the town joker. I guess the ability to look at ones faults and down falls along with the so call good aspects is something we all have a hard time with.

The question I ask is are you just as judgmental to your self as you are to others Or do you use a so called sliding rule??
I guess in the end it really doesn’t matter what identities we take on in our life as long as we learn to laugh at them take what we can to learn and let the rest go.

I told you I wasn't a real idiot even though there are some that do believe I am a true idiot.

Ok here are some things I found while searching out the VILLAGE IDIOT ideal. I can’t believe some of the things I found while I was looking for what I need for the push off the cliff so to say. So here goes have fun with it I did at least I know I am not alone in this case there are a lot more VILLAGE IDIOTS out there. And you know what…….god help all you non-idiots out there one day you may wake up and realize the idiots have taken over the world…….LOL…..
(I wonder who would be a good king????)

***************King of the village idiots**************************
The hierarchy of the village idiots is strict and venerated by all member idiots. The worldwide leader of village idiots is the King. However, in this case it is not "good to be the king": upon meeting the king all underlings are required to wrestle him to the ground and fart into his open, slack-jawed mouth.
One of the most impressive village idiots known to man is, in fact, Matt. We pity him, honestly.
***George Dubya Bush currently holds the title of 'King of the Village Idiots'. He is additionally the official village idiot of most places in America, with a few exceptions:
***Texas - where his wife Jenna Bush holds the responsibility between interventions;
***Iraq - which seems to be overflowing with neoconservatives starved for the job.
***Massachusetts - where Mitt Romney and Ted Kennedy trade off on the job, as well as jerking each other off on Mormon and Catholic holidays.
***Maybe you???
***Maybe this women that is now running for our Vice President job well we have had idiots there before so what's one more right...


******************Famous village idiots**********************
Below are some examples of celebrated village idiots through the ages. If you know of any others not mentioned here please add them, or you will be hunted, gathered and plowed. You will also be reported to the Department of Homeland Stupidity and sent to Clown College (a.k.a. Guantanamo Bay


As a term 'village idiot' dates back to 4500 B.C. and comes from the Greek term venereae (venereal/diseased) idiom (idea/thought). For centuries unfortunate individuals of sub-par intellect were forced to fulfil the role of village idiot for the amusement and gratification of others, including Noam Chomsky and Doris Roberts.
However, with the Industrial Revolution and the rapid growth in population that it triggered, the role took on much greater importance. The urbanization of people saw the 'village' become a term used for all manner of large bodies (towns, cities, countries, planets, galaxies, Oprah Winfrey, etc.). Thus the role of village idiot required a much lower level of stupidity for true success to be found, meaning that only the dregs of the dregs could sink to the bottom.
More recently, George W. Bush formed the 'Department of Homeland Stupidity', a federal government agency responsible for overseeing idiocy on all levels. This agency has been hugely successful in pumping out stupid words and deeds in America - the international center of idiocy.
If you were in a village and the whole village was idiots and you visited them, you would be the village idiot. How does one know this? Why it's a simple law of physics.

""SORRY TO INFORM YOU BUT THE IDIOT HAS LEFT THE VILLAGE""




It doesn't matter how hard I try to get this damn thing right on here it just never comes out on the finished page as I want it to......So who gives a shit....