Saturday, December 27, 2008

My Mom

Oh I guess I should tell you why I am posting this some thing instead of her. My mom has a lung problem. She has had kemo a few times to fix her self she says. She don't really get too deep into it because she doesn't want us to worry or her friends to worry either.

And not too many of her friends she will confide this too either. She tries to play though but the ones who really have been blessed to know my mom knows she isn't tough at all.
Well a few weeks ago she got sick and she almost got pneumonia. She has been in the hospital for a little over a week now.
What we didn't know was that this bug she caught could have killed her. Not a good thing for us but she always says that next life when she returns she is going to do something wonderful. Which my sister and I and some of her closest friends know she has already done something wonderful.

Just being herself...

So she is in the hospital getting better and with everything they have hooked up to her she can't do much. Well maybe somethings like the IV needs to be changed and the constant if they don't just quit poking me I am going to just walk out of here...

Oh yeah she would do it in a heart beat let me tell you right now...

Well we took all her cloths and yes even her underwear. But as we and her close friends knows that wouldn't stop her. She would get up and walk out with that stupid god ugly hospital gown on with her butt cheeks shining and the whole way she would be telling them all to kiss her happy butt in the process.

Well that's my mom.

She has away of getting into trouble for speaking her mind at times. But you got to lover her for that. Most of the time she was right anyways.
But my sister and I will not tell her that and if it gets back to her we will say "WHAT, NO WAY I didn't say that."

Well when she wanted to bring her computer in to her room so she could get on there and I guess write to all her friends or listen to music or who knows.

She has a ton of sites she visits and so many people she talks to on that thing.

Well they said no computers at all..... REST, REST,REST... We did manage how ever to sneak her phone in so she has it. Not that we wanted too but this way we know when she calls from her ring tone we have for her.... That way we wouldn't think the call is from one of those many teller markers that calls your cell to either ask stupid questions or just be a pain in the behind....
Or to let us know she has escaped from the hospital telling one of us to meet her down around the corner and pick her up.

Today I went in to see her. She is doing a lot better. The IVs hasn't come out yet. Or should I say she hasn't removed them yet and she is on oxygen also....(looks like she doesn't have a choice NO MORE SMOKING MOM).

I have learned over the years with my mom that ex nurses are the worse to be treated in the hospital. Or may be just period. They are always telling someone else how to do there job or that this way would be easier.
We did threaten her that we would duck tape her mouth shut and tie her to the bed if she didn't stop. Well even that didn't stop her. She just looked at us and smiled and said "that's sounds like fun lets do it."

But every day she seems to be getting better. And you can tell it from all her actions. Not like she was when we brought her in refusing every second of the way. Even though she couldn't stand because she was so sick.

Well she is now up set that she can't do New Years but hey there will be another one to do mom..... And I am sure as always you will be the one having the most fun and the one that every one just wants to be right there with you brings in the New Year with lots of laughter and smiles and yes even love.

Hey mom 2010 just maybe your lucky year.....

Alright here we go... To any of the people that reads my mom's blog this is why she hasn't been on. I really don't think any one reads it I think she just likes to write...he-he

Well keep your fingers crossed as she would say for her to escape the torture they are doing to her.

And we want to wish each and every one of you a Happy New Year. This is to her friends on here....(if I didn't tell you all that she would be upset) not that she can do any thing right now but when she gets well we would be in some

Enjoy the pictures I know she went to Trinidad once she escapes from the hospital she will fill you in on the trip.

Sorry I am not a blogger so I am not sure I am even doing this right.
But I promised her I would do something....
So this is something.... Love you mom please get well soon.

Hey your birthday is coming up and you have to do something crazy :)
Get well mom we love you.
And hey if I put some thing in this so called blog that you didn't like. Well all I can say is don't send a monkey to pick banana's if you want some to sell.......hehehe
Your daughter
Shorty (Stac)

North side of the Island

Trinidad South side of the Island

Coco Reef

Galera Point Light House

Chaguaramas Light House

Asa Wright Nature Center

Maracas Bay

The End Of 2008
Sometimes when I wake up I wonder what for. I look around at my life and I see that there is and yes some times I think it's really not much to wake up for.

I listen to every ones problems that comes to me. They all want answers. What they don’t understand is I have no answers to their problems. Some times I don't even have any for my self.

I look at this year and I ask my self what have I accomplished this year that would be great and worthy to say I made a difference.

And what do I see I am afraid to say nothing. Well this is what I think. I have every one coming to me for advise in relationships why I ask? Is there something I haven't figured out yet?? Because I am not even in one at this time.

The last two marriages I had yes the first was well lets say destructive and I did get out of it.
The second after 14 yrs became some what verbal and a little physical among a few other things I choose not to mention but I got out of it also.

Now it’s been seven years and one of those full times of change. My body has completely renewed all of it’s cells and I look at things different than I once did years ago or may be even months ago.

I once said I didn’t want to get married ever again. I didn’t want to open up to any one because of the fear of being hurt again. I didn't have anything else to give to some one because I had gave it all already.

So I guess at the end of this year I look at my self and as always I judge my self harder than any one could ever judge me. And I always tell my self never again I have learned my lesson again this time.

I do see my self alone and sad. Afraid to let just any one in for fear of the pain of rejection and yes even just the simple pain of knowing you gave every thing already. This is some what to say I have already felt.

Does this make me less of a person?? No it doesn’t. I am a kind person giving to all who needs some times yes to a point of fault.

I use to be very friendly and easy at making friends. I still am to a point. But now I just stand back and watch and if the time comes to say hello I may or may not do so. It just all depends on the feeling I get.

I have gave my self unconditionally to one but where did that get me?? I will tell you where… It gave me a friend but not one that I could go to at any time and say I need to talk to you or I just need a hug. Or just slide my hand into theirs and hold tightly. Because my friend isn't always around. Yeah as every one else in this rat race. They get busy and sometimes forget.

I am always on the out side of the glass looking in at others and their lives. This is just something that just happened within I would say 10 years.
And yes I have sometimes thought what my life would have been like if I would have just met this one person years before or if maybe just if I could just be able to go back and maybe say yes at that moment when I was asked a special question. I would have not been just a close friend but something more special than what I am now.

Who knows what the future well hold for any one of us. It's not like there is this big crystal ball that you can see everything. Or even a few hats to pull the answers out of.

This year will end so very soon and all of us will either go to parties with friends or be with family or even be alone.
I have always thought that how you end a year and go into another will reflect on how you will be in the new one.

First try to never be alone. Try not to be sad. And never get into an argument on the first day of the year.

On that last moment of this year will you look back at any part of it and regret any part of what you said or did in your life?

Will you wish that it would have lasted longer?

Or will you have wished you done things completely different?

Or would you say in your mind if I had to do it all over I would do the same thing the same way again?

I guess we all yearn to feel the love and joy and warmth that made us smile, laugh and cry. Because it was a deep part of us and we felt we belonged to something that was worth belonging to.

Where do I stand right now….LOL… I am not so sure….
Where will I be in the future that I am not so sure of that either.

All I know is that everyone I have come in contact with over my years I have gave each and everyone of you something. Something special. Not something material but something all the same that is special.

Hold on to it tight and never let it go. Keep it close to you.

I do know that this gift I have gave will stay with some and yeah there will be some that it will not. But that will be a loss that can never be gotten back.

I have shared my self with you my dear friends.

My thoughts my fears, my laughter and yes even my tears. And those that have been close enough to see my enter core. Knows this is a special thing I just don't share with any one.

The dreams I have shared was a special gift just to allow you to see threw my eyes, the eyes of a dreamer.

For there were some who was afraid to dream because they were tided down to the thought that it had to be black or white or it had to hit them in the face to be true.

LOL…. But now you see you can dream and it doesn’t hurt to dream. That dreams can make you reach farther and push you to make them come true or just simply make you smile.

Is that wrong??

My world has been a dream for a very long time. Either a nightmare or a fairytale.
Which would I prefer of course the fairytale. Who in there right mind wouldn't?

The night in shinning armor coming to save me. Does this happen? Some would say yes. However there are those that say these things don’t exist.

How do you look at your partner? Is he or she the night in shinning armor or is he or she just a simple man or woman that works to take care of his or her family?

Can he or she be both? That depends on you…

What you see in the person that shares your life isn’t always what is really there.
Sometimes we lose touch of what is really there because of the everyday things. The house, job, children ect…

We paint a picture of a wonderful life full of happiness and all that when in fact we are unhappy and just want to pretend all is well.

But of course that is alright we can always neglect what is so called important to us because there will always be a tomorrow or next week or even next month right?

Will there be and can you actually say it and really know deep in your mind and heart that there will be a tomorrow to say…. I am sorry, I love you, I miss you, or even please don’t leave right this second. Just stay a few more minutes here with me close with your arms around me tight so I can in print it into my brain to recall at another time.

To look into the eyes of the one you honestly love and to see their soul. To kiss their lips soft but passionate. To taste the sweetest of the kiss. To just touch their skin and feel it through your finger tips the electricity. To listen to them breathe as they lay next to you and feel their hot breath on your neck. To feel their heart beat through your body. Maybe even run your fingers threw their hair one more time. These special things that some just let slip right by because they have no time to just stop for a moment and feel.

If there is a tomorrow that will bring a shining light of wisdom on my life. All I know is I wouldn’t want to take the chance of wasting it thinking it will come again.
Not saying something that I feel should be said or doing something at this moment right now to make someone smile that can't.

But there is always tomorrow right?

But if there is not then what?

I wish I could be as simple and as plane as others think of me. Life would be a whole lot easier for me. And yes maybe even those around me that has to deal with all of my deep thoughts.
I just can't help it. It's my nature and will always be m nature till the last breath I take in.

Some times I just sit back and watch others and wonder what if.

What if they had to live there lives all over again would they do the same thing?
Would they love the same way?

Whose to say and more than likely most wouldn’t be honest about it to some one much less to even be honest with their self.

So when your standing there waiting for the old to end and the new to come in think back on the year you are leaving. Just take a second and really look at what you are leaving there.

Take what was wonderful with you in your heart.

Remember those you were there for you with a kind hand or was there to just listen.
The ones that offered the shoulder and was really there to give it. No matter what.

To the stranger in the grocery store that just smiled at you and made you smile back even if you were having a bad day.
To the person that made you look at something you knew was always there but never really paid attention to or took the time to see through their eyes.

To the small things in life as a hug or a kiss or just that simple light touch of the fingers on the hand as you past each other in the hall. Or simply just driving 2 hours away just to see some ones face and hear there voice in person instead of sitting there and trying to remember what they sounded like or how their face lights up when they smile at you.

To playing footy’s under the table. To holding someone in your arms and feeling their heart beat with yours.

And a kiss that you just get lost in and never want to find your way every again.
To just being a friend and a lover what other gift could be as wonderful to receive as it is to give.

To just laying their in each others arms and getting lost in the moment wanting it to last forever.

Like in that wonderful movie that comes to my mind “Meet Joe Black”.

Do you stop and think before you go around that corner never knowing if there will ever be another chance.

Wondering what if, what could be, maybe I should…..

Or do you run up and throw your arms wide open and say you are the one I have waited for all my life.

You make me whole. And with out you there I am truly nothing but a half.

What would you do????

Well every once in a while I really get sentimental and I guess if there is ever a time for it well this would be a perfect time.

The end of yet another year that can't be relived except for in the mind like a movie...

Fact is we are not granted anything in life. Not tomorrow, next week, next month or even the next hour or minute.

So do you look back at yet another year ending with thoughts of I wish I would have done this or that?

Or do you step through that dream and keep holding on to it with hopes that it carries you to the top of the highest mountain?

Do you hold on tight to what is right in front of you right this very moment?

Do you take that fairytale and make something with it?

Or do you just let it die along side of the dreams you have got a taste of?

I don't have all the answers for you my friends.

I don't think I have any of the answers.

I don’t even have an answer to my own life’s problems.

However I listen and somewhere in side of me hopes that you find your way to where you want to be. Hopefully it is a happier place and much more peaceful.

Maybe I will finally find the place where I am to be. The place where I will smile and be happy.

Where the fears and tears and even the doubts can’t weight me down.

Yeah that is a wonderful dream isn’t it to finally be happy and be with that special person that is happy to be with me….

Don't let yet another year go with out dreaming or making a simple wish.
Or just looking up at the big full moon and either thinking of that special one and smiling.

Well once again I find my self rambling words that some will not even understand and will simply just blow off.
To those I am sorry for taking up your time.

To all please have a safe and HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY ONE......
Wonderful wishes and dreams from,
MY MOM............

Monday, December 15, 2008

Sorry Everyone I am Sick

I know I was to write about everything in my blog.
But hey you guys I am very, very sick. I am not sure if it is the flu or what but I hope you all manage to steer clear of it threw the rest of the year.
Hope fully I will be able to sit down and get everything up and running on here soon.
Fever and cold chills and not being able to breath and coughing my head off isn't my ideal of fun.
So please be patient and I hope to have things in order on here soon.
To all those that do the holiday well have a nice one.....

Friday, December 5, 2008

Hey Once Again

Alright let me start by saying it's been different going somewhere you never have been before. And to do it all by your self well let me say most every time I go off it's by my self. It has been very educational trip.
So I have decided I have be gone enough now and I am ready to get back in to the great US Monday and start putting this thing together for all to either laugh or say OMG she didn't do
I also think I will be going to see a school friend I haven't seen in many years in Tampa. She has been telling me to come visit her and meet her new hubby.
Wow I didn't even know she had gotten divorced... Man I must be losing it..

It will be good to see her again. We have a lot to get caught up on...
So if I don't get this thing posted before I travel I will more than likely have it done by Friday but if not stay tuned....
So enjoy your weekend thanks for stopping in and I hope you will enjoy the show....
No tickets required just be ready to laugh your asses off.....

Monday, December 1, 2008

Hey Every One

Ok to all my friends that have tried to call me. Sorry I had my phone put on hold for a bit.
Besides Nextel doesn't work outside the country. Who figured with what they charge they should work all over the world...
Well I should be home in well about 10 days. I will then post every thing and pictures where I went for my alone day holiday.
I have been quite busy and hadn't had that much time to answer e-mails or post.
And frankly to say the truth connecting over in another country well let me just say I just don't understand some of their
But it's been good and I have had some fun. Met a lot of new people but I guess I am ready to come home.

Hope you all had a wonderful holiday.

And will be home soon.......

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The Computer Age

We are in the modern age right now right.. But have you really thought about what the modern age really is?? Everything is computer......

I mean everything. We shop on line, we date on line everything has gone to these so called lap tops.

Our children have them both computerized games as what X-BOX where they are hooked to the TV's and not only do they play games with themselves but others. Headsets are worn to chat back and forth. And do you really know who they are playing with on line in these room? Are you sure who they say they are is in fact little Jimmy on the other side of town?

Have you ever thought that it could be some one that should not be there talking to your child? That really scares me because I have 2 grand children and I have friends with kids and the just get on these on line games and go for hours. How easy would it be for some one to be on there and be friend them and then say or do something? This has really made me think.

And let's not even begin to talk about the hours they spend on the net playing. Hours and hours right. School work done yet dear? Yes. Ok then it's alright to play.

My daughter tells me the kids don't give out any personal information. But what would it take for some one to get it from them???

What happened to meeting the children your kids play with and their family??

What happen to the things we done as a child? Was it really so bad back then??

There is no communication face to face now. I know we want to give our children what we never had. But when is it enough?

And what was wrong with our childhood years ago? I see it and hear it everyday. "My child wants to spend every moment in front of the TV playing games."
He/she doesn't go out and play with any children in the neighbor hood or they don't want to play in any sports.

Well in the end who's fault is it??

We have become a generation where we do everything on the net. All of our pictures and contacts are on there. Question when is the last time you actually mailed a letter. I mean mailed it with the US Post Office? I can honestly say it's been years for me. I don't even know what a stamp

And as computers go I am not what you call a computer idiot. But when my 8 yr old grand daughter and my 6 yr old grand son knows more about getting around the net than I do OMG where are things going??

I have a myspace account yeah I know... And I have had it for years on years. Back when it was for adults that's way before the younger ones decided to come in and take over. But when that happened I put a block on my page where no one under the age of 18 could see my page. Simply because I didn't want to run a chance of speaking with someone I didn't know who was or how old. I had a 14yr old yes ask me to be friends.

Well I refused because of the age guess what happened? And even said I am sorry but you are way to young to be on my page....

The little shit was a 14 yr old hacker. Yes at the young ripe age of 14. He sent me and e-mail and said not friends then enemies.... Then the little shit went in my site and closed it and then it was gone.

What are we teaching our children?

We do everything on line now. We shop, pay our bills, we even have a network to help us find some one to date and possibly marry. Oh yeah you see it all the time on TV. How some one signed up to find either Mr right or Miss perfect. What next??
Will we be going on the net to make the perfect child???

And what about the next generation??? What will they be doing?? If a 6 and a 8 yr old can do this now what will be next.

Will there be any need of human contact in the future?? Or will we be a generation of shut in's afraid to go out side and do anything. No contact with another human other than texting or e-mailing.

OMG what has the modern world done and what will it do for our children to come???
Hey if I have said something that offends any one then what? You'll e-mail me and say so

I know it's crazy and I really can't say why I thought of this to write but it kind of hit me like bricks today and is all I have thought about.....

Have a great day if you want to throw tomatoes go

Happy Holidays

Thursday, November 13, 2008

A Southern Style Dinner

Southern cooking - Low Country and Soul food. Traditional heirloom recipes handed down from generation to generation. Good old comfort food the kind that makes you feel warm all over inside……

Ok I have been cooking for years at least as far back as I can remember. And I really like to play with food. I should say I like to experiment with food.
Growing up I cooked for my self and my younger two sisters when either my mother was working or just gone.

And through the years I have done different types of food but mostly the area from where I was raised from. Good old fashion southern home cooking. The only thing is I try and zip up the recipes some what.

Well after my divorce some what seven years ago and my children grew up there was no need to cook any more. I always enjoyed cooking but why cook now it was just me. And I never knew how to cook in small amounts because when the girls were younger there were always a house full of the neighbors kids at our table to eat. So you could say I always cooked for an army….lol….
And after I became on my own again I just never learned to cook for one. And it was easier to just pick some thing up for my self. So this is what I did for I guess 2 years.

Then the third year or so I started cooking for my friends. And as always it was enough to feed and army with plenty of left over’s for a day or two.

Now I know there are people out there that don’t believe in left over’s. However let me say this. There are some foods that get better the next day when it’s allowed to sit over night in a fridge. Don’t know why or if it really matters but it’s true.

One of those foods happen to be southern cooked collard greens.
Not to get tangled with mustard greens or even turnip greens. And yeah these types of foods aren’t for every one. And yet there have been some that come from different parts of the country that didn’t even know what a collard was and tasted them and fall in love with them.

Now not every one from the south knows how to cook collards either. And then there are different ways to eat them. Some use vinegar, some use hot sauce and then there are the ones that just eat them plan and some times even right out of the bowl.

So let me say this I have some friends that like this southern cooked greens an some that don’t. Well he didn’t know if he liked it or not until he tried it. And he doesn’t. But that’s alright because he isn’t even from here so he don’t count any way….lol…. (From another country...)
But I can say this he tried it before he made his choice. And was a good sport about it also... Right Brit....

But the other guys up at the shop well lets say there is nothing left of the dinner I made. And let me say Remy, Pain,and Shop Rat will not just eat anything either. The are picky eaters.
I always make a special dinner one night a week. Well the person I made the dinner for didn’t call and say they weren’t going to be in town because of what ever reason.
But that’s
I will forgive ....again.....

So I got busy with work for a few days and I didn’t get a chance to call them or run by to see if dinner was still planned. Then the night before I started getting things together for this Southern Cooked meal with out even thinking if I should call to check. Well there phone doesn’t even work half the time any way when you call in but it's fine to call out with.
So I cooked this Southern meal all from scratch as I do with ever meal I have done and I had everything almost ready when I found out that my friend wasn’t in town….

So I called up a mutual friend and asked him if he wanted some collards, baked chicken, steamed carrots and of course home made cornbread.
Hey I had to give it to some one. I can't stand to buy all the stuff and spend all the time cooking to just dump it. But I can say I have done this also. Then I called the guys at the shop and asked if they had eaten yet and as always they said bring it right over. So I loaded everything up in my army food carrier and off I went to feed five guys.

So I hope my friend knows just what a wonderful Southern Home Cooked Meal they missed.
And I hope the McDonald's french fries were

This is the menu from dinner last night…….

Home cooked collards with ham hock… 3 hrs to just cut up the 1 hr to cook.

Rosemary baked chicken….. Over night marinated and cooked slow for about an hr.

Steamed carrots with garlic, and olive oil and lemon….. 45 minutes to prepare.

Home made from scratch cornbread with onions and cheese… About an hr. to do with mixing and cooking time.

So I guess as of now I am out of the cooking business for friends. Not that I will not cook again but why should I. I loved to cook for those who enjoy it...
Of course the guys at the shop will more than like be willing to take any left over’s I can come up with. They would more than likely have cooking twice a week. But it's just not the same so. So I think for a while I will Just leave the pots and pans in there place and put away the recipe's and take a brake from this have cooking thing since there is no need to do so.

Did I mention I love to cook for those that enjoy what I make?? I am always told when I ask what do you want for dinner? The reply is always "you always come up with something better than what I could even think of"…..

So friend when you talk to the other friend ask them how your collards were…lol….

Have a great day every one and enjoy your weekend and be safe……
Happy eating if there is someone that you love then share the comfort of food with them………
And happy cooking for those who love to cook……..

Tuesday, November 4, 2008


Halloween one of the best times of the year at least for me it is. It’s a time when so many people’s imagination comes to life. And you can be what you want with out any one looking at you as if you were a Looney tune. Well this year I wanted to make and impression and I think I did. As everyone knows there are always these places we visit when we are clubbing in our home towns that every one we knows goes there.

Well there is this place in my home town that I go to where they always have an awesome Halloween Parties.
And every year I plan and make my own costume just so I can go out and enjoy the fun and hopefully win or come in and place some where among the best costumes there

I start planning sometimes six months before time for a costume. And every year it never fails someone that goes out an buy’s or rent’s a costume the day before always seems to get the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd place.

So I planned and worked and penciled out my costume and finally I came up with and off the chain out of the ordinary ideal.
Well if you don’t know me by now you should know that I am very different than the normal forty-six year old grandmother of two. I don’t fit the square peg for sure. Matter of fact the people that do know me will tell you that there is not a peg I fit into at all. I am a different kind of person. One who has little fear at all of anything and I will just about try anything one time to just see what it is like.

I am adventures I guess you can call it. Raised as a tomboy around nothing but boys I learned that there was nothing I couldn’t do because of age or sex. Of course this did get me in lots of trouble growing up. Broken bones and a lot of stitches and I do have all the scars to prove it….lol…

I am adventures I guess you can call it. Raised as a tomboy around nothing but boys I learned that there was nothing I couldn’t do because of age or sex. Of course this did get me in lots of trouble growing up. Broken bones and a lot of stitches and I do have all the scars to prove it….lol…

Months I worked on this and talked with my friends down at Tattoo’s with Style about the design and what I wanted. And the good guys there decided that they would like to offer this at there shop so the work was complements from them.

Pain the owner and Aaron the needle guy and tattoo artist and Adrian the British artist that helped with the work and the planning also.

So with the design I got so excited about this Halloween night. Which turned out to be more than I ever expected. And in my little town they are still talking about that night with awe. All the ideals were mine and the designs were mine just twicked a little from the guys. But It went very well and I enjoyed it very much.
The response I got was so over whelming and I guess I am now starting to design next’s years costume now so don’t be surprised what you are in for next year….lol… The sky is the limit.

Now to tell some about the people in the group. Or should I say the small gang…lol….

My two daughters were the one which didn’t dress Stacy and the other was the Ref Tracy. Then a very good friend Libby who was the Witch of the gang. Then my best friend Monk which we could decide if he was a Limo Driver or one of the guys from Men in Black. By the time he arrived at the tattoo studio he was already a few drinks in front of the others.

Then his beautiful wife Stacy which was my Body Guard and she was the best body guard I ever had.

Then there was Ashley which was a Modern Day Hooker beats me but that was what she said she was. She was cute any ways. Then there was Brain well lets see if I can explain him. Very sweet guy but he kind of lets the shop group do as they want. He really didn’t have a costume so they all kicked in and made him some thing.

Brain had a blue head and a green beard and they put a clown nose on him so this turned him into a Psycho Clown. The Christina she was a Modern Day Cowgirl Cop. Then there was Lenny on of the guys from a pub we go to every now and then he was dressed as a Big Dick and Balls….lol The envy of all. .lol….
Then there was Bubba well he went as his self just a Redneck…. Cindy went as Trailer Park Trash but a very cute one at that. Adrian who said he was Bug but if you ask me he looked more like one of those Sprites from the fairy tales. Then Pain which he just came as his self the Artist……

Large gang compared to most of the ones I went to before where I was just winging it all by my self. But it was a very nice Halloween. Every one drank except for me which I was not allowed to because of all the things they done to my back. But I will admit that I did have two drinks at the end of the night before I left.
So this is my Halloween Costume. Four months of preparing and hard work.

And one hour in the hair dresser chair gluing on my white horns and taking my red hair down to black and making it all so Wild……

Then over to the Tattoo shop where we laid out my wings and every thing to go in order to put on. Let me tell you this shop even though they are my friends and have been for a long while. We have fun there all the time. Every one is always up beat and happy and they always find something to crack on to make you laugh. I will tell you they picked on me a lot before they even started to get to work on me. And when they started the job then everything was very professional and they were outstanding. They showed not just concern for what they were doing but also with how I was feeling also. Hey guys I give you all a very big AAA ++++.

Thanks for everything and making me the talk of the town……..
So I guess it’s time to unveil the show as in my world.

Happy Halloween everyone I hope you all had a wonderful night and it was a memorable one as well.
So here we go on my ride. From start to the finish this is the making of the gargoyles flight.

I hope you all enjoyed my Halloween night and guess what next year is already in the planning stage.
Can't wait till then.... What will you plan to do and be?????

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Sorry Everyone

Hey everyone that drops in to read.... Sorry I haven't wrote in a bit but as you all know I love this time of the year with Halloween and all the parties and fun going. I have been working on my costume it seems like for ever trying to get it ready for this weekend....

Oh by the way I hope everyone has a wonderful Spooky Halloween.... I will be taking lots of pictures of everyone at the parties I will be attending and there will be lots of pictures of my creation here also. Specially the getting ready and putting the thing

I am really excited about it and I hope you all will enjoy it.
Oh yeah went to the Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando this past Sunday a week ago.
Please !! I wasn't impressed....

Lines way too long and the wait well who wants to stand in line for almost 2 hours to go threw a 15 minute haunted house. The costumes were great as always but for some reason there was a lack of something...

Well if you haven't went save your money or go to Bush Gardens in Tampa. They have a wonderful thing going on for Halloween. Of course this is mine opinion but who doesn't want a wonderful Scream.....

Well these were some of the pictures from Halloween Horror Nights... (Oh Bloody Mary just wasn't a thrill either) sorry....

Have a Happy Halloween to you and your family stay safe and watch out for all those little Goblins running around.......

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Believe just what does this word mean to you? To some it is trust, faith, conviction. I could sit and maybe pull up a dozen or so words to explain what this one word means to me.

However what someone else may say could be completely different from my opinion.
And yes there are versions and sub versions of this word that we use to express our selves on how we think and even feel. And I guess the meaning in the word dictionary is just a basic start.

And more or less there meaning is that this word is based of the ability to accept as true, genuine, or real. To have a firm conviction as to the goodness, efficacy or ability of something. And yes to hold an opinion. To see with one’s eyes, to hear with one’s own ears.
What about this to consider to be true and honest. And what about the ability to feel what you believe deep down inside. The gut feeling well maybe.

I myself really don’t think there is just one meaning to this simple word that in fact some have lost what the meaning is to them.

Believe is a small word that we really don’t think about in this day and time. Because maybe we just take things for granted?? There could be all sorts of excuses for why we don’t recognize this small word or even explore this small word in our lives.

Most people don’t stop and look at what the meaning of this word means until they have lost something or they are losing them selves to maybe death??
Oh yeah the big "D" word. Death to some is and ending and if it is true then well you can Believe in that. But if it is not the ending then what???

And what happens when believing in something is no longer there or the fear to believe is higher than the simple fact of believing in someone or something???

I have no answers for these questions or in fact I have no answer for about anything these days.

I guess I can say this, I have believed in something my whole life. But most of it could be described as may being an illusion. I always seemed to take the worse things and try to see something good out of it. You know the little thing about "there is always a new day." "Maybe tomorrow will bring that silver lined cloud," and so many more that could be quoted on and on.

But in fact there is no silver lining cloud, no knight in shinning armor, no prince charming, no pot of gold at the rainbow. The truth is this world that we live in is based on the cold hard fact of this.
It’s the larger aggressive ones that get to the top. The ones that care for the feelings or needs of the others are just simply there. I guess it’s like the animal world is you have the kings of the jungle and then you have the prey they consume.

Funny way to look at things or maybe it’s just funny how I look at things. Like all our life growing up we have certain things that were taught to us. The fairy tale belief for one. Well that is how I colorize it.

We are taught that there is a thing such as a Happy Ending, Happy Ever After.
And what about prince charming and knights in shinning armor??
All of these we are lead to believe will happen some where down the line when we were children.

Not so true…

There are no happy ever after endings. And in fact the picture of that we set out there to make others believe is wrong.
The true fairy tales from way back was horror stories to control the young.
And for some reason they were changed to the happy version and it is these that get caught in the back of our minds and linger there.

Everything is by chance.

The only thing I do believe in is that the sun will rise in the morning and it will set in the evening. Other than that there is nothing.

When someone dies the world moves on. It doesn’t stop to pay it’s respect. The sun still comes up. The wind still blows and the grass and the tress still remain green. The sun still sets and the moon will rise even if you don't see it.
Life goes on.

We feel the pain, but in time even that surrenders to life and fades away. Sometimes leaving us with not even a memory unless we see or hear something to bring it back. But even then it’s not as strong as it was in the beginning.

I have found that people that know that death is close they tend to believe in things they never would have before when they were in the full life. They search for a possible escape to give them comfort.
What ever, does this belief save them??

Who’s to say.
Who can judge??

I know that things I believed in as a child changed as I grew older. Maybe because my eyes were opened or maybe because my mind expanded. Never the case they did. And as I grow older they will still changed.

The people I once believed in has some what changed also over the years. The faith I put into them have some what faded. Well we are all only human. And no one is perfect no matter what they say or do or think of them seleves.

We make promises of forever and others that can’t be fulfilled. But at the time it just sounded good. So we come up with an excuse of “Promises are made to be broken.”
So why make them at all. It seems easy to say these things but if fact it is very hard to hold them as truth.

The only thing that can be said is “ Nothing last forever.” Because this is the only true thing that is out there that never stops. And that in fact is what you can believe.

There are no short cuts, no magic, no wishes that can make this go away.
Not even love last forever. So why do we say “I’ll love you for ever?”
"Or you will always be with me?"

This is not something that can even be believed in. For the simple fact that people can’t love forever. Or should I say be in love for ever. Nor can they say they will always remember you. It's impossible.

We meet someone and they become our friend. Then one day you find that the friendship is gone. And it’s just a routine followed.
The same in a relationship with someone. You think and feel and yes even believe you are in love. Till one day you find that they have moved on in their life and in what they think is love.

Sometimes we use the word love as a comfort thing. Most use it to obtain something they are missing or even lacking in their own lives. However the case the word is used far way to much for personal gain of some sort. And the belief in it was not there and will never be there.

I can ask you what do you believe in?? And you would more than likely fill a page of what you think you truly believe. But then some where down the road in time I can ask you the same question and you would write something totally different.

It’s like changing into a different color shirt.

What I believe in is not as important to me as what I don’t believe in I guess.
I don’t believe in using someone for gain. The word gain to mean - The gain of personal benefit being it wealth or gain of some ones worth inside.
I don’t believe you should hurt some one to make your self feel better.
I don’t believe you should say things and promise things because you have no control of the future and because once it is out in the air there is no taking it back.
And face it words are forever. They may seem to fade but they don’t. They stay locked in the mind until the mind finally stops.

And the things I do believe in you may ask..

Well if there was something for me to believe in it would be this.
I believe in pain, because that is what I have had to live with all my life. Either pain of the body or pain that has been delivered from some one.

I had a friend and this may be the only true friend I do have I would think at this time at least. This friend knows me from what I should say inside and out. My hopes, my dreams and yes even my fears.
This friend asked me one day why I inflicted pain on my self as I do with my tattoos and other things I have tried and will more than likely try in the future??
The only response I could give that would make sense was this. “ I do these things because for some reason the pain I do to my self seems to not hurt as bad as the pain others do to me.”

In other words when someone hurts me I usually go and have something done as a tattoo or something to put this pain that is hurting me with the pain that was done to me. So when the pain of what ever is being done is gone the pain that someone has put on me eases and fades. It doesn’t go away it just eases some. So I guess what I do to my self as for pain doesn’t seem to hurt as much as what others do to me.

I think in some way we all search for something to release the enter pain. Some just not as drastic as me. But when I get hurt it is a deep hurt.
Because I believe in that person and I have faith in that person. And yes I trust that person.

To some respect I believe in fate.
What is going to happen will. There are no chance meetings with anyone. There is a reason for you coming in contact with that person. For what reason it is you may not know until years down the road when you are sitting there and it hits you between the eyes. Then you have an epiphany and realize that was what you were there for either to learn something or help some one else learn.

I believe in death. But I don’t believe in death as some do. I believe in death as a release from all that hurts you here. After that well I guess we all will see what is there when it happens. And what I may or may not think is irrelevant.
All I know at this time and point is everything stops.

I believe there will always be someone out there willing to hurt and use me for everything they are worth. This is because I am a kind soul. I am a giving person. I am a nurturing person. If you hurt I will be there to try and make it better.

As much as I try to hold back my faith in the human race I still find my self getting sucked into shit…. However one day that will change..

I do know that with in the past few years I have learned to pull some what off from the norm I use to be. The wall I put up years ago was not as strong as it will be now. The cracks that were in view will be closed and it will with stand this time. And you may ask why I know this is a fact.


Because I don’t believe any more!! In the humans that walk this earth..

Remember when I said it’s like the animal kingdom? You have the kings of the jungle that devour and consume the prey. Well I have finally realized that I am the prey in this life time. That in this life all that was meant for me was to learn what pain and disappointment was. And when one thing didn’t work then another was pushed on me. But this will change also..

Funny thing about pain. Pain to the body as in accidents or illness or even self done.
Doesn’t hurt as much as the pain someone gives to you when you believe in them and then they decide that you are nothing but a past time or something that has been sent to them to comfort them in there time of need. And once the need is gone then the reason for you is gone also. Do I need I say any more?
So is there really a reason to believe???

(The following quotes is from Dashboard Confessional)

Dusk and Summer

She smiled in a big way;
The way a girl like that smiles,
When the world is hers.
And she held your eyes,
Out in the breezeway, down by the shore,
In the lazy summer.
And she pulled you in.
And she bit your lip.
And she made you hers.
She looked deep into you as you lay together,
Quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer.
But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
When you only had barely enough to hang on.
And she combed your hair.
And she kissed your teeth.
And she made you better than you’d been before.
And she told you bad things you wished you could change,
In the lazy summer.
And she told you, laughing down to her core,
So she would not cry,
As she lay in your lap.
And she said, "Nobody here can live forever;
Quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer."
But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
When you only had barely enough to hang on.
She said "No one is alone the way you are alone."
And you held her looser than you would’ve if you ever could've known.
Some things tie your life together,
With slender threads and things to treasure.
Days like that should last and last and last.
But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
But you've already lost.
When you only had barely enough of her to hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on

Again I Go Unnoticed

So quiet.
Another wasted night.
The television steals the conversation.
Another wasted breath;
Again it goes unnoticed.
Please tell me you're just feeling tired,
'Cause if it's more than that I fear that I might break.
Out of touch. Out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed,
'Cause I can't read your rolling eyes.
Out of touch. Are we out of time?
Close lipped;
Another goodnight kiss,
Is robbed of all its passion.
Your grip;
Another time is slack,
It leaves me feeling empty.
Please tell me you're just feeling tired,
'Cause if it's more than that I feel that I might break.
Out of touch. Out of time.
Please send me anything but signals that are mixed,
'Cause I can't read your rolling eyes.
Out of touch. Are we out of time?
I'll wait until tomorrow,
Maybe you'll feel better then...
Maybe we'll be better then.
So what's another day,
When I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you?
This mood of yours is temporary.
It seems worth the wait to see you smile again.
Out of the corner of my eye,
Won't be the only way you're looking at me then.
So quiet.
Another wasted night.
The television steals the conversation.
Another wasted breath;
Again it goes unnoticed.
Am I Missing
Sharp disaster in a fresh new coma
Was it worth it when it was over
Proving yourself right
You'd make the biggest noise
I'd lock my hands behind my head
I'd cover my heart and hit the deck
I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you
(It's a long wait) Is there anything
(For an answer) Worth looking for
(Is there any news) Worth loving for
(Is there any word) Worth lieing for
(Was there trauma) Is there anything
(Or a struggle) Worth waiting for
(Am I missing) Worth living for
(Or was the body found) Worth dying for
Home, I'm home

Reason To Believe

Oh, sweet lungs don't fail me now.
Your burning has turned into fear;
Drills me in my every step.
I'm moving quick, but you're always on my heels.
Just one more breath, I beg you please.
Just one more step, my knees are weak.
My heart is sturdy, but it needs you to survive.
My heart is sturdy, but it needs you.
Breathe, don't you want to breathe?
I know that you are strong enough to handle what I need.
My capillaries scream; there's nothing left to feed on.
My body needs a reason to cross that line.
Will you carry me there one more time?
Steady lungs, don't fail me now.
I feel you bursting, but you won't let me die.
Fill me up with every step.
I'm feeling sick, but I'm leaving it behind.
Just one long breath, I beg you please.
Just one more step, you are not weak.
My legs are sturdy, but they need you to survive.
My heart is sturdy, but I need you.
Breathe, don't you want to breathe,
And know that you are strong enough to handle what I need?
My capillaries scream; there's nothing left to feed on.
My body needs a reason to cross that line.
Will you carry me there once more?
Once more.
I have reason to believe that I have victories to taste.
I can feel them on my teeth, upon my lips, and in my chest.
I can roll them on my tongue, they are more supple than defeat.
I feel the tension in my lungs and every move is filled by my resolve to,
Breathe, don't you want to breathe?
I know that you are strong enough to handle what I need.
My capillaries scream; there's nothing left to feed on.
My body needs a reason to cross that line.
Will you carry me there one more time?

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Just doing some deep thing is all

I guess this one is out of deep thought. And yes I think way too deep sometimes than I should. I wish at times I could just turn my brain off just so I could get some peace. But it doesn’t work that way right.

I have a question for you? When you argue with your brain on any question does this make you insane? How many people drive down the road and find your self asking a question out loud when it is just you in the car?? More than that how many people actually answer that question??

When I have things going on in my life that I just can’t bring my self to ask someone else I drive. And yes I do talk to my self. I do this maybe because I don’t want to bother someone else or maybe I am searching for an answer from deep within my self.

But when the brains answer is not what the heart wants to hear what do you do then??
Do you rule out the brain or do you rule out the heart?? The brain remembers everything and the heart feels everything. They should work together not against each other at least this is how it should be right??

So which one is right?? Is there a right and a wrong in this duel?? I’m not sure and this is the dilemma I have had for some time…

My heart tell me one thing but my brain says another. My brain says that it doesn’t matter and in fact you may not matter and that your just a so called sanctuary or a stop for the time being. But the heart says no there is feelings there and it is a true feeling.

But when the actions don’t go with the feelings like they use to do what then????
Do you then believe the brain?? I guess I am empath maybe more than what I like too be. I know I have no ability to give less than all of me when I am in a relationship be it romantic or friendship. I give it all to the point to where when it is done I feel the loss and empty more than the other involved . I feel deeply tired and even sometimes hopeless.

Is there a time when the heart becomes numb to where it doesn’t feel any more?? And just how many people say “I wish my heart would numb so I don’t keep feeling the same pain over and over again” and really mean it?? Because if it does go numb then there is no feeling for anything.

Through my life experiences I have said this many times. I have wished time after time that the brick wall I put up would with-stand the push from the other side. And time after time I allow that force from the other side to sip threw a hole and come thru to the side where I stand vulnerable and naked. Something like a small child lost in the dark woods where there are wild animals that are out there to kill and feed.

And time after time I accept this force as something good to only find out later that I was just a stopping point for this force and that my feelings and wants did not mean as much as I thought they should. And just maybe I didn’t matter.
And yes I have no one to blame but my self for allowing this in the first place. This is what the all mighty brain says. It’s your fault you knew this could happen and you allowed it.

How do you have a relationship with others without putting feelings behind it?? Many people do this and really when it comes to the straight up skinny they look back and find that the feelings they thought they had for the other were out of need for something they were missing in the life. Kind of like a fill in..

Life doesn’t come with a hand book to tell us how to react with others. We simply rely on what we have been taught of what is right and what is wrong.

However if this wasn’t taught does this make an acceptation for the one that goes in and hurts the other??? And what about those that just don’t care??
And really are there any real true answers??

Treat others as you would want to be treated…. Not fuck them before they fuck you…. This is what our world has turned into.
No compassion, no empathy, no thought, just nothing but the want at the time….
Sometimes the smallest gesture in kindness can move a mountain. But then sometimes a gesture with self motivation can tear and rip apart a life….

And for the one that there is only hurt time after time and false trust time after time when is enough actually enough???
And what then? Who pays when this rare breed of person that has the ability to have compassion and empathy, and all of the best qualities of a human being comes to this point in life that nothing really matters any more?? And no matter how hard they try to keep there head above the tides and hope and believe the next day will be different. Someone will really care.

Is this in fact a fairytale belief now to wish and believe in something that should be so easy??? To wish and believe in something good to believe in another human….
Easy for so few and to the rest?? Do they feel something missing?? Do they feel the pain they cause the other?? Or are they in their own world were no matter what is done or cause they just don’t care??

I don’t want to believe that there are actual human beings out there that don’t give a shit and that their own self is more important than some ones feelings.
Am I being Neiva to this new age world where it is the “all bout me thing“??
If you have a so called best friend and you know they are hurting inside. Do you stand there while they slice their wrist because they are tired of being in a world of so much pain and disappointment??
Or do you really believe that there is a reason deep inside to stop them??? Or do you just simply turn your back and walk away because it doesn’t fit into what you want??

Have we actually become a society of emotional vampires preying on the weak??
And what about the weak?? Are they only put here for just one reason and that is to be devoured by the strong??

When is enough really enough??

Albert J Bernstein says that an emotional Vampire is one who seek to destroy the emotional and psychological well-being of others. That their needs are more important than others and the rules don’t apply.

Have you ever entered into something knowing that in the end someone was going to be hurt?? And knowing this you still proceeded… Did it really matter to you if they were hurt just as long as they didn’t do anything to interfere with you and what you wanted?

I hope this world has not turned into a world of walking, talking, breathing monsters…

Because if this is so then what is there left… When you look into the mirror what do you see in the reflection looking back at you??? Are you happy with what you see??? Are you happy with what you have done up till now in your life??
We all search in life for something. No matter what it is we search. But most of the time we search out happiness. Someone that makes you laugh and laughs with you. Someone to love and love you back as much as you.

How come something so simple is so hard?? Trial and error this is how life is. You either swim or you drown.

I recall many years ago when I worked in the medical field. I remember this one time that really sticks into my head still today for what reason I will soon unveil. I was working and they brought this young person into the trauma area. Overdose! As I stood there looking at this young person I remember stating such a young life what could really be that bad to waste it….

Well the thought of suicide back then was something so wrong you just didn’t do it… There was nothing so bad to take your life. Again tomorrow is another day to try again….

Well I didn’t realize that all those so called phrases I spit from my mouth was nothing but not understanding… Judging on something that at the time was out of my league.

Nothing like walking in some ones shoes can you honestly start to see what it feels like. And yes I walked in a pair of shoes.

And yes I tried suicide. Am I a shamed of it I can’t say I am… I do have a new thought of someone that wants this…

Would I try and stop someone from doing this?? The answer is yes I would still try and stop them from taking their life… It’s my nature to help and to save and to fix…. No matter the cost to me…
The only thing is I can now say I truly understand because I have walked in those shoes.
Would I ever do it ever again???

This I can say honesty I really don’t know…

Until that edge is there where it’s jump or just fall no one knows….
Would I do something to hurt some one on purpose the answer to that is NO!!!
The ability of taking from someone with out a second thought doesn’t even cross my mind.

Does this make me a better person because I have the ability to care about some ones feeling over mine? No…… Does this give the right to others to not care for my feelings??? No, but I have no control over what others do.

All this does is make me human. A person that gives without saying I want something in return. It makes me a person that fights with my brain and my heart on what to say or if I should say anything at all. It makes me a person that somewhere inside that has a fear. A fear of if I ask the answer may hurt worse than if I don’t even ask to start with.

What does this make me??? Simple…. Just a person that thinks to much. Just a person that feels too much…. Just a person that cares to much…

Just a human with feelings that gets hurt by people that don’t simply think that I do have feelings….

The next best thing to a thinker is someone that is brain dead to what goes on around them. A person that nothing really matters but what they think is right. Yeah the all about me thing…….

Words are just words…. However if I have said anything in this mere writings of my thought and feels that has offended any one please accept my deepest apologies…..
I say things from the heart sometimes and of course the brain says it’s all stupid. You should put your self out there to be chewed up…lol…

Thursday, September 11, 2008

September 11, 2001 Remembered

September 11, 2001 - Tuesday morning do you remember where you were and what you were doing at the moment that our lives in the United States came to a halt?
Things has changed forever since that fateful day.
Changes that will never be the same.
Of course we say these changes were all for the best but never the less some changes may have not been.
We now no longer live in a country of the free, but we live in a country of what will happen next.

What are we allowed to do.

I remember that fateful day as it was yesterday.
I was living in Robeson County, North Carolina. I had just gotten off the phone to my daughter that was living in Fort Bragg, North Carolina with her husband whom was in the Army and my grand daughter who was only 2 yrs of age at the time.

We had our normal morning talk and I had just started cleaning house. I usually put on some music but for some reason I turned the T.V. on in the dayroom as I cleaned.

That’s when the news channel was interrupted by the announcer saying something had happen to the Twin Towers in New York City.
Something about a plane flying into one of the towers.

Then moments after the lives changed in our safe and perfect world.
My knees buckled and I just sat down where I was standing it was as if everything had just stopped moving.
I reached for my phone but at this time even where I lived the phone line were now busy and you couldn’t get a phone call out.

And this is how the disaster began to unfold at 8:48 am., that’s when American Airlines Flight 11, carrying 92 people from Boston to Los Angeles, crashed into the North Tower of the World Trade Center, the landmark glass and steel complex at the southern tip of Manhattan that provided office space for 50,000 workers.

That’s where Islamic militants had detonated a bomb there in 1993, killing 6 people that was 8 years prior. That’s when yesterday’s terrorism turned out to be far worse.

Eighteen minutes later, United Airlines Flight 175, carrying 65 people on the same Boston to Los Angeles route, tore through the South Tower with even a larger explosion.

The collisions shrouded New York’s helter-skelter financial district in pallid ash and smoke, and created mass pandemonium inside and outside of the towers.
Workers were screaming, and running for the stairways, gasping for air.
Several of them began leaping to their own deaths from the upper floors.

But even with this going on the scene soon shifted from the America’s financial Mecca to it’s very own military fortress.

At about 9:40 am, American Airlines Flight 77, carrying 64 people from Dulles to Los Angeles, barreled into the west wing of the Pentagon in yet another fiery collision, destroying at least four of the five rings that encircle the world’s largest office building.
I remember when the Pentagon spokesman calling the casualties “extensive,” and although it was clearly not as extensive as New York’s.

Then the Federal Aviation Administration came on the network saying they were promptly banning takeoffs nationwide, and ordered domestic flights to land at the nearest airport and diverted international flights to Canada.

But that's when the officials soon confirmed that a fourth plane, United Airlines Flight 93, carrying 45 people from Newark to San Francisco, had crashed in Shanksville, Pa.

It had been hijacked as well and one passenger had called 911 from a cell phone.
It had been heading towards Washington when it went down

Then the reports went back to the World Trade Center.
Shortly before 10:00 am, the South Tower collapsed with an earthshaking roar. Smoke replaced steel as if the building had suddenly imploded.
A half hour later, the North Tower collapsed.
The mayor at the time Rudolph Giulani publicly urged New Yorker’s to stay calm and stay put unless they happen to be below Canal Street in the lower Manhattan area.

Trade Center as Flight 11, a Los Angeles bound jet was hijacked after takeoff from Boston with 92 people aboard, and Flight 77, which was seized while carrying 64 people from Washington to Los Angeles.
In Pennsylvania, United Airlines Flight 93, a Boeing 757 in route from Newark, N.J. to San Francisco, crashed about 80 miles southeast of Pittsburgh with 45 people aboard.
United said another of it’s planes, Flight 175, A Boeing 767 bound from Boston to Los Angeles with 65 people on board, also crashed, but it did not say where.
And the fate of those aboard the two planes were not yet know

An emergency dispatcher in Westmoreland County, Pa. received a cell phone call at 9:58 am, from a man who said he was a passenger locked in the bathroom of the United Flight 93.
“We are being hijacked, we are being hijacked.”
The man told dispatchers the plane was going down, that he heard some sort of explosion and saw white smoke coming from the plane, and then they lost contact with him.
Evacuations were ordered at the United Nations in New York and at the Sears Towers in Chicago.
Los Angeles mobilized it’s anti-terrorism division, and security was intensified around the naval installations in Hampton Roads, Va.
Even Walt Disney World in Orlando Fl, was evacuated.

At the World Trade Center Mike Smith, a fire marshal was saying “everyone is screaming and crying and running. Everyone cops, people, firefighters it’s like a war zone here…”
A woman named Jennifer Brickhouse from Union N.J. was going up the escalator into the World Trade Center said she heard this big boom. “All this stuff started falling and all this smoke was coming out.” “People were screaming, falling, and jumping out of the windows from high in the sky.”
Nearby crowed roads laid with dust and dirt flying everywhere. The planes blasted fiery gaping holes in the upper floors of the Twin Towers.

Later the lower Manhattan lay in heaps of gray rubble and broken glass. And the death toll on the crashed planes alone would surpass that of the Oklahoma City bombing on April 19, 1995, which claimed 168 lives in what was the deadiest act of terrorism on U.S. soil.

I remember so well but how many people now remember what they were doing on that day the world actually stood still for the day.
The firefighters of 9-11 they saved a lot of people at the expense of lives lost in there fire houses.

The pictures that came across the networks of these men and women that left their families that morning to got to work.
Now they stood in a war zone going through the scrap pieces looking for not just survivors but even their own.
It’s these men and women the firefighters, and the police officers, that we called our hero’s then that we now today fail to remember that gave everything they had to save another human life something they did everyday of their work lives.

We now have let drift into the back of our minds.
It’s become away of life now all the security we have to go through at airports and other major transportations. But to what extent has this come from? What price was paid?

These men and women were trained to do a job.
But no type of training could have prepared anyone for what happened on this day.

71 law enforcement officers, 343 New York City Firefighters, 1 Jersey City, New Jersey, firefighter and over 3,000 civilians were killed at the World Trade Center. Placing the safety of others before their own, law enforcement officers among with fire and EMS personal rushed to the burning Twin Towers of the World Trade Center to aid their fellow New Yorkers and to lead them to safety. It is estimated that because of their work 25,000 people were saved.

"Even though you were taken away from your Families, Friends, Co-Workers and all the lives you have touched.”

I hope each and everyone of us can say

“ You will always stay within our Hearts, Prayers, & Thoughts for ever!”

"The NYPD Wall of Heroes as follows"

Sergeant John Coughlin
Police Officer John Dallara
Police Officer Vincent Danz
Police Officer Jerome Dominguez
Sergeant Michael Curtin
Police Officer Stephen Driscoll
Police Officer Mark Ellis
Police Officer Robert Fazio
Sergeant Rodney Gillis
Police Officer Ronald Kloepfr
Police Officer Thomas Langone
Police Officer James Leahy
Police Officer Brian McDonnell
Police Officer John Perry
Police Officer Glen Prettit
Detective Claude Richards
Sergeant Timothy Roy
Police Officer Moira Smith
Police Officer Ramon Suarez
Police Officer Paul Talty
Police Officer Santos Valentin
Police Officer Walter Weaver
Detective Joseph Vigiano

"Honoring the Rescuers Those Who Answered the Call"

Joseph Agnello, Lad. 118
Lt. Brian Aheam, Bat. 13
Eric Allen, Sqd. 18 (Deceased)
Richard Allen, Lad. 15
Capt. James Amato, Sqd. 1
Calixto Anaya Jr., Eng. 4
Joseph Angelini, Res. 1 (Deceased)
Joseph Angelini Jr., Lad 4
Faustino Apostol Jr., Bat. 2
David Arce, Eng. 33
Louis Arena, Lad. 5 (Deceased)
Carl Asaro, Bat. 9
Lt. Gregg Atlas, Eng. 10
Gerald Atwood, Lad. 21
Gerald Baptiste, Lad. 9
A.C. Gerard Barbara, Cmd. Ctr.
Matthew Barnes, Lad. 25
Lt. Steven Bates, Eng. 235
Arthur Barry, Lad. 15
Peter Bielfeld, Lad. 42
Carl Bedigian, Eng 214
Stephen Belson, Bat 7
John Bergin, Res. 5
Paul Beyer, Eng. 6
Brain Bilcher, Sqd. 1
Carl Bini. Res. 5
Christopher Blackwell, Res. 3
Michael Bocchino, Bat. 48
Frank Bonomo, Eng. 230
Gary Box, Sqd. 1
Michael Boyle, Eng. 33
Kevin Bracken, Eng. 40
Michael Brennan, Lad. 4
Peter Brennan, Res. 4
Capt. Daniel Brethel, Lad. 24 (Deceased)
Andrew Brunn, Lad. 5 (Deceased)
Greg Buck, Eng. 201
Capt Vincent Brunton, Lad. 105
F.M. Ronald Buca
Capt. William Burke Jr., Eng 21
John Burnside, Lad. 20
Capt. Patrick Brown, Lad.3
A.C.. Donald Burns, Cmd. Ctr.
Capt. Frank Callahan, Lad. 35
Dennis Carey, Hmc. 1
Michael Cammarata, Lad. 11
Brian Cannizzaro, Lad. 101
Michael Carlo, Eng. 230
Michael Carroll, Lad. 3
Peter Carroll, Sqd. 1 (Deceased)
Thomas Casoria, Eng. 22
Michael Cawley, Lad. 136
Vernon Cherry, Lad. 118
Nicholas Chiofalo, Eng. 235
John Chipura, Eng. 219
Michael Clarke, Lad. 2
Steven Coakley, Eng. 217
Tarel Coleman, Sqd. 252
John Collins, Lad. 25
Robert Cordice, Sqd. 1
Ruben Correa, Eng. 74
James Coyle, Lad. 3
Robert Crawford, Safety
Lt. John Crisci, H.M.
B.C. Dennis Cross, Bat. 57(Deceased)
Thomas Cullen 111, Sqd. 41
Robert Curatolo, Lad. 16 (Deceased)
Lt. Edward D’Atri, Sqd. 1
Michael D’Auria, Eng. 40
Scott Davidson, Lad. 118
Edward Day, Lad. 11
B.C. Thomas DeAngelis, Bat. 8
Manuel Delvalle, Eng. 5
Martin DeMeo, H.M. 1
David DeRubbio, Eng. 226
Lt. Andrew Desperito, Eng. 1 (Deceased)
B.C. Dennis Devlin, Bat. 9
Gerard Dewan, Lad. 3
George DiPasquale, Lad. 2
Lt. Kevin Donnelly, Lad. 3
Lt. Kevin Dowdell, Res. 4
B.C. Raymond Downey, Soc.
Gerard Duffy, Lad. 21
Michael Elferis, Eng 22
Capt. Martin Egan Jr., Div.15 (Deceased)
Francis Esposito, Eng. 235
Lt. Michael Esposito, Sqd. 1
Robert Evans, Eng. 33
B.C. John Fanning, H.O.
Capt. Thomas Farino, Eng. 26
Terrence Farrell, Res. 4
Capt Joseph Farrelly, Div. 1
Dep. Comm. William Feehan, (Deceased)
Lee Fehling, Eng.235
Alan Feinberg, Bat. 9
Michael Fiore, Res. 5
Lt. John Fischer, Lad. 20
Andre Fletcher, Res. 5
John Florio, Eng. 214
Lt. Michael Fodor, Lad. 21
Thomas Foley, Res.3
David Fontana, Sqd. 1
Robert Foti, Lad. 7
Andrew Fredericks, Sqd. 18
Lt. Peter Freund, Eng. 55
Thomas Gambino Jr., Res 3
Lt. Charles Garbarini, Bat 9
Chief of Dept. Peter Ganci Jr., (Deceased)
Matthew Garvey, Sqd.1
Bruce Gary, Eng. 40
Gary Geidel, Res.1
B.C. Edward Gaeraghty, Bat. 9
Dennis Germain, Lad. 2
Lt. Vincent Giamona, Lad. 5
James Giberson, Lad.35
Ronnie Giles, Sqd. 288
Paul Gill, Eng. 54
Lt. John Ginley, Eng. 40
Jeffrey Giordano, Lad. 3
John Giordano, Hmc. 1
Keith Giascoe, Lad. 21
James Gray, Lad. 20
B.C. Joseph Grzelak, Bat. 48
Jose Guadalupe, Eng. 54
Lt. Geoffrey Guja, Bat.43
Lt. Joseph Gullickson, Lad. 101
David Halderman, Sqd. 18
Lt. Vincent Halloran, Lad. 8
Robert Hamilton, Sqd. 41
Thomas Hannafin, Lad. 5
Sean Hanley, Lad. 20 (Deceased)
Dana Hannon, Eng. 26
Daniel Harlin, Lad 2
Lt, Harvey Harrell, Res. 5
Lt. Stephen Harrell, Bat. 7
Capt. Thomas Haskell Jr., Div. 15
Capt. Terence Hatton, Res.1
Timothy Haskell, Sqd.18 (Deceased)
Michael Haub, Lad. 4
Lt. Michael Healey, Sqd. 41
John Heffeman, Lad.11
Ronnie Henderson, Eng. 279
Joseph Henry, Lad. 21
Thomas Hetzel, Lad. 13
William Henry, Res. 1 (Deceased)
Capt. Brain Hickey, Res. 4
Lt. Timothy Higgins, S.O.C.
Jonathan Hohmann, Hmc. 1
Thomas Holohan, Eng. 6
Capt. Walter Hynes, Lad.13 (Deceased)
Joseph Hunter, Sqd. 288
Jonathan Ielpi, Sqd. 288
Capt. Frederick Ill Jr., Lad.2
William Johnston, Eng. 6
Andrew Jordan, Lad. 132
Karl Joseph, Eng. 207
Lt. Anthony Jovic, Bat. 47
Angel Juarbe Jr., Lad. 12
Mychal Judge, Chaplain (Deceased)
Vincent Kane, Eng. 22
B.C. Charles Kasper, S.O.C.
Paul Keating, Lad. 5
Richard Kelly Jr., Lad. 11
Thomas R. Kelly, Lad. 15
Thomas W. Kelly, Lad. 105
Thomas Kennedy, Lad. 101
Lt. Ronald Kerwin, Sqd. 288
Michael Kiefer, Lad. 132
Robert King Jr., Eng. 33
Scott Kopytko, Lad. 15
William Krukowski, Lad. 21
Kenneth Kumpel, Lad. 25
Thomas Kuveikis, Sqd. 252
David LaForge, Lad. 20
William Lake, Res. 2
Robert Lane, Eng. 55
Peter Langone, Sqd. 252
Scott Larsen, Lad. 15
Lt. Joseph Leavey, Lad. 15
Neil Leavy, Eng 217
Daniel Libretti, Res. 2
Carlos Lillo, Paramedic
Robert Linnane, Lad. 20
Michael Lynch, Eng. 40
Michael Lynch, Lad. 4
Michael Lyons, Sqd. 41
Patrick Lyons, Sqd. 252
Joseph Maffeo, Lad 101
William Mahoney, Res. 4
Joseph Maloney, Lad. 3 (Deceased)
Lt. Charles Margiotta, Bat. 22
B.C. Joseph Marchbanks Jr., Bat 12
Kenneth Marino, Res. 1
John Marshall, Eng. 23
Lt. Peter Martin, Res. 2
Lt. Paul Martin, Eng. 23
Joseph Mascali, T.S.U. 2
Keithroy Maynard, Eng. 33
Brain McAleese, Eng. 226
John McAvoy, Lad. 3
Thomas McCann, Bat. 8
Lt. William McGinn, Sqd. 18
Dennis McHugh, Lad. 13
B.C. William McGovern, Bat. 2 (Deceased)
Robert McMahon, Lad. 20
Robert McPadden, Eng 23
Terence McShane, Lad. 101
Timothy McSweeney, Lad. 3
Martin McWilliams, Eng. 22 (Deceased)
Raymond Meisenheimer, Res. 3
Charles Mendez, Lad. 7
Steve Mercado, Eng. 40
Douglas Miller, Res. 5
Henry Miller Jr., Lad. 105
Robert Minara, Lad. 25
Thomas Mingione, Lad. 132
Lt. Paul Mitchell, Bat. 1
Capt. Louis Modafferi, Res. 5
Carl Molonaro, Lad. 2
Lt. Dennis Mojica, Res. 1 (Deceased)
Manuel Mojica, Sqd. 18 (Deceased)
Michael Montesi, Res.1
Capt. Thomas Moody, Div. 1
B.C. John Moran, Bat. 49
Vincent Morello, Lad. 35
Christopher Mozzillo, Eng. 55
Richard Muldowney Jr., Lad 07
Michael Mullan, Lad 12
Dennis Mulligan, Lad 2
Lt. Raymond Murphy, Lad 16
Lt. Robert Nagel, Eng. 58
John Napolitano, Res. 2
Peter Nelson, Res. 4
Gerard Nevins, Res. 1
Dennis O’Berg, Lad. 105
Lt. Daniel O’Callaghan, Lad. 4
Douglas Oelschlager, Lad. 15
Joseph Ogren, Lad. 3
Lt. Thomas O’Hagan, Bat. 4
Samuel Oitice, Lad. 4
Patrick O’Keefe, Res. 1
Capt. William O’Keefe, Div. 15 (Deceased)
Eric Olsen, Lad 15
Jeffery Olsen, Eng 10
Steve Olson, Lad.3
Kevin O’Rourke, Res. 2
Michael Otten, Lad. 35
Jeffery Palazzo, Res. 5
B.C. Orio Palmer, Bat. 7
Frank Palombo, Lad. 105
Paul Pansini, Eng. 10
B.C. John Paolollo, Bat. 11
Robert Parro, Eng. 8
Durell Pearsall, Res. 4
Lt. Glenn Perry, Bat. 12
Lt. Phillip Petti, Bat. 7
Lt. Kevin Pfeifer, Eng. 33
James Pappageorge, Eng. 23
Lt. Kenneth Phelan, Bat 32
Christopher Pickford, Eng. 201
Shawn Powell, Eng 207
Vincent Princiotta, Lad. 7
Kevin Prior, Sqd. 252
Lincoln Quappe, Res. 2
B.C. Richard Prunty, Bat. 2 (Deceased)
Lt. Michael Quilty, Lad. 11
Ricardo Quinn, Paramedic
Leonard Ragaglia, Eng. 54
Michael Ragusa, Eng. 279
Edward Rall, Res. 2
Donald Regan, Res. 3
Lt. Robert Regan, Lad. 118
Christian Regenhard, Lad. 131
Kevin Reilly, Eng. 207
Lt. Vernon Richard, Lad. 7
Joseph Rivelli, Lad. 25
Michael Roberts, Eng. 214
Michael Roberts, Lad. 35
Anthony Rodriguez, Eng. 279
Matthew Rogan, Lad. 11
Adam Rand, Sqd. 288
James Riches, Eng. 4
Nicholas Rossomando, Res. 5
Paul Ruback, Lad. 25
Stephen Russell, Eng. 55
Lt. Michael Russo, S.O.C.
B.C. Matthew Ryan, Bat. 1
Thomas Sabella, Lad. 13
John Santore, Lad.5 (Deceased)
Gregory Saucedo, Lad.5
Dennis Scauso, H.M. 1
John Schardt, Eng. 201
B.C. Fred Scheffold, Bat 12
Gerard Schrang, Res. 3 (Deceased)
Gregory Silkorsky, Sqd. 41
Stephen Siller, Sqd. 1
Stanley Smagala Jr., Eng. 226
Kevin Smith, H.M. 1
Christopher Santora, Eng. 54
Thomas Schoales, Eng. 54
Leon Smith Jr., Lad.118
Robert Spear Jr., Eng. 26
Joseph Spor, Res. 3
B.C. Lawrence Stack, Bat 50
Gregory Stajk, Lad. 13
Capt. Timothy Stackpole, Div. 11 (Deceased)
Jeffery Stark, Eng. 230
Paul Tegtmeier, Eng 4
John Tiemey, Lad. 9
John Tipping 11, Lad. 4
Hector Tirado Jr., Eng. 23
Richard Vanhine, Sqd. 41
Allan Tarasiewicz, Res. 5
Peter Vega, Lad. 118
Lawrence Veling, Eng. 235
John Vigiano 11, Lad. 132
Sergio Villanueva, Lad. 132
Jeffery Walz, Lad 9
Lawrence Virgilio, Sqd. 18 (Deceased)
Lt. Robert Wallace, Eng. 205
Capt. Patrick Waters, S.O.C.
Lt. Michael archola, Lad. 5 (Deceased)
Kenneth Watson, Eng. 214
David Weiss, Res. 1
Michael Weinberg, Eng. 1 (Deceased)
Eugene Whelan, Eng. 230
Edward White, Eng. 230
Mark Whitford, Eng. 23
Timothy Welty, Sqd. 288
Lt. Glenn Wilkinson, Eng. 238 (Deceased)
Capt. David Wooley, Lad. 4
B.C. John Williamson, Bat. 6 (Deceased)
Raymond York, Eng. 285 (Deceased)

A.C.- assistant chief; Bat -battalion; B.C.- battalion chief; Cmd Ctr - command center; Div - division; D.C. - division chief; Dep Comm - deputy commissioner; Eng - engine company; F.M. - fire marshall; H.M - hazardous material unit; H.O. - hazardous operations; Lad - ladder company; Sqd - squad; Res - rescue unit.
These are the names that I have found that served during the 9-11 .

Thank you for all you did and all you gave……………………