Saturday, December 27, 2008

My Mom

Oh I guess I should tell you why I am posting this some thing instead of her. My mom has a lung problem. She has had kemo a few times to fix her self she says. She don't really get too deep into it because she doesn't want us to worry or her friends to worry either.

And not too many of her friends she will confide this too either. She tries to play though but the ones who really have been blessed to know my mom knows she isn't tough at all.
Well a few weeks ago she got sick and she almost got pneumonia. She has been in the hospital for a little over a week now.
What we didn't know was that this bug she caught could have killed her. Not a good thing for us but she always says that next life when she returns she is going to do something wonderful. Which my sister and I and some of her closest friends know she has already done something wonderful.

Just being herself...

So she is in the hospital getting better and with everything they have hooked up to her she can't do much. Well maybe somethings like the IV needs to be changed and the constant if they don't just quit poking me I am going to just walk out of here...

Oh yeah she would do it in a heart beat let me tell you right now...

Well we took all her cloths and yes even her underwear. But as we and her close friends knows that wouldn't stop her. She would get up and walk out with that stupid god ugly hospital gown on with her butt cheeks shining and the whole way she would be telling them all to kiss her happy butt in the process.

Well that's my mom.

She has away of getting into trouble for speaking her mind at times. But you got to lover her for that. Most of the time she was right anyways.
But my sister and I will not tell her that and if it gets back to her we will say "WHAT, NO WAY I didn't say that."

Well when she wanted to bring her computer in to her room so she could get on there and I guess write to all her friends or listen to music or who knows.

She has a ton of sites she visits and so many people she talks to on that thing.

Well they said no computers at all..... REST, REST,REST... We did manage how ever to sneak her phone in so she has it. Not that we wanted too but this way we know when she calls from her ring tone we have for her.... That way we wouldn't think the call is from one of those many teller markers that calls your cell to either ask stupid questions or just be a pain in the behind....
Or to let us know she has escaped from the hospital telling one of us to meet her down around the corner and pick her up.

Today I went in to see her. She is doing a lot better. The IVs hasn't come out yet. Or should I say she hasn't removed them yet and she is on oxygen also....(looks like she doesn't have a choice NO MORE SMOKING MOM).

I have learned over the years with my mom that ex nurses are the worse to be treated in the hospital. Or may be just period. They are always telling someone else how to do there job or that this way would be easier.
We did threaten her that we would duck tape her mouth shut and tie her to the bed if she didn't stop. Well even that didn't stop her. She just looked at us and smiled and said "that's sounds like fun lets do it."

But every day she seems to be getting better. And you can tell it from all her actions. Not like she was when we brought her in refusing every second of the way. Even though she couldn't stand because she was so sick.

Well she is now up set that she can't do New Years but hey there will be another one to do mom..... And I am sure as always you will be the one having the most fun and the one that every one just wants to be right there with you brings in the New Year with lots of laughter and smiles and yes even love.

Hey mom 2010 just maybe your lucky year.....

Alright here we go... To any of the people that reads my mom's blog this is why she hasn't been on. I really don't think any one reads it I think she just likes to write...he-he

Well keep your fingers crossed as she would say for her to escape the torture they are doing to her.

And we want to wish each and every one of you a Happy New Year. This is to her friends on here....(if I didn't tell you all that she would be upset) not that she can do any thing right now but when she gets well we would be in some

Enjoy the pictures I know she went to Trinidad once she escapes from the hospital she will fill you in on the trip.

Sorry I am not a blogger so I am not sure I am even doing this right.
But I promised her I would do something....
So this is something.... Love you mom please get well soon.

Hey your birthday is coming up and you have to do something crazy :)
Get well mom we love you.
And hey if I put some thing in this so called blog that you didn't like. Well all I can say is don't send a monkey to pick banana's if you want some to sell.......hehehe
Your daughter
Shorty (Stac)

North side of the Island

Trinidad South side of the Island

Coco Reef

Galera Point Light House

Chaguaramas Light House

Asa Wright Nature Center

Maracas Bay

The End Of 2008
Sometimes when I wake up I wonder what for. I look around at my life and I see that there is and yes some times I think it's really not much to wake up for.

I listen to every ones problems that comes to me. They all want answers. What they don’t understand is I have no answers to their problems. Some times I don't even have any for my self.

I look at this year and I ask my self what have I accomplished this year that would be great and worthy to say I made a difference.

And what do I see I am afraid to say nothing. Well this is what I think. I have every one coming to me for advise in relationships why I ask? Is there something I haven't figured out yet?? Because I am not even in one at this time.

The last two marriages I had yes the first was well lets say destructive and I did get out of it.
The second after 14 yrs became some what verbal and a little physical among a few other things I choose not to mention but I got out of it also.

Now it’s been seven years and one of those full times of change. My body has completely renewed all of it’s cells and I look at things different than I once did years ago or may be even months ago.

I once said I didn’t want to get married ever again. I didn’t want to open up to any one because of the fear of being hurt again. I didn't have anything else to give to some one because I had gave it all already.

So I guess at the end of this year I look at my self and as always I judge my self harder than any one could ever judge me. And I always tell my self never again I have learned my lesson again this time.

I do see my self alone and sad. Afraid to let just any one in for fear of the pain of rejection and yes even just the simple pain of knowing you gave every thing already. This is some what to say I have already felt.

Does this make me less of a person?? No it doesn’t. I am a kind person giving to all who needs some times yes to a point of fault.

I use to be very friendly and easy at making friends. I still am to a point. But now I just stand back and watch and if the time comes to say hello I may or may not do so. It just all depends on the feeling I get.

I have gave my self unconditionally to one but where did that get me?? I will tell you where… It gave me a friend but not one that I could go to at any time and say I need to talk to you or I just need a hug. Or just slide my hand into theirs and hold tightly. Because my friend isn't always around. Yeah as every one else in this rat race. They get busy and sometimes forget.

I am always on the out side of the glass looking in at others and their lives. This is just something that just happened within I would say 10 years.
And yes I have sometimes thought what my life would have been like if I would have just met this one person years before or if maybe just if I could just be able to go back and maybe say yes at that moment when I was asked a special question. I would have not been just a close friend but something more special than what I am now.

Who knows what the future well hold for any one of us. It's not like there is this big crystal ball that you can see everything. Or even a few hats to pull the answers out of.

This year will end so very soon and all of us will either go to parties with friends or be with family or even be alone.
I have always thought that how you end a year and go into another will reflect on how you will be in the new one.

First try to never be alone. Try not to be sad. And never get into an argument on the first day of the year.

On that last moment of this year will you look back at any part of it and regret any part of what you said or did in your life?

Will you wish that it would have lasted longer?

Or will you have wished you done things completely different?

Or would you say in your mind if I had to do it all over I would do the same thing the same way again?

I guess we all yearn to feel the love and joy and warmth that made us smile, laugh and cry. Because it was a deep part of us and we felt we belonged to something that was worth belonging to.

Where do I stand right now….LOL… I am not so sure….
Where will I be in the future that I am not so sure of that either.

All I know is that everyone I have come in contact with over my years I have gave each and everyone of you something. Something special. Not something material but something all the same that is special.

Hold on to it tight and never let it go. Keep it close to you.

I do know that this gift I have gave will stay with some and yeah there will be some that it will not. But that will be a loss that can never be gotten back.

I have shared my self with you my dear friends.

My thoughts my fears, my laughter and yes even my tears. And those that have been close enough to see my enter core. Knows this is a special thing I just don't share with any one.

The dreams I have shared was a special gift just to allow you to see threw my eyes, the eyes of a dreamer.

For there were some who was afraid to dream because they were tided down to the thought that it had to be black or white or it had to hit them in the face to be true.

LOL…. But now you see you can dream and it doesn’t hurt to dream. That dreams can make you reach farther and push you to make them come true or just simply make you smile.

Is that wrong??

My world has been a dream for a very long time. Either a nightmare or a fairytale.
Which would I prefer of course the fairytale. Who in there right mind wouldn't?

The night in shinning armor coming to save me. Does this happen? Some would say yes. However there are those that say these things don’t exist.

How do you look at your partner? Is he or she the night in shinning armor or is he or she just a simple man or woman that works to take care of his or her family?

Can he or she be both? That depends on you…

What you see in the person that shares your life isn’t always what is really there.
Sometimes we lose touch of what is really there because of the everyday things. The house, job, children ect…

We paint a picture of a wonderful life full of happiness and all that when in fact we are unhappy and just want to pretend all is well.

But of course that is alright we can always neglect what is so called important to us because there will always be a tomorrow or next week or even next month right?

Will there be and can you actually say it and really know deep in your mind and heart that there will be a tomorrow to say…. I am sorry, I love you, I miss you, or even please don’t leave right this second. Just stay a few more minutes here with me close with your arms around me tight so I can in print it into my brain to recall at another time.

To look into the eyes of the one you honestly love and to see their soul. To kiss their lips soft but passionate. To taste the sweetest of the kiss. To just touch their skin and feel it through your finger tips the electricity. To listen to them breathe as they lay next to you and feel their hot breath on your neck. To feel their heart beat through your body. Maybe even run your fingers threw their hair one more time. These special things that some just let slip right by because they have no time to just stop for a moment and feel.

If there is a tomorrow that will bring a shining light of wisdom on my life. All I know is I wouldn’t want to take the chance of wasting it thinking it will come again.
Not saying something that I feel should be said or doing something at this moment right now to make someone smile that can't.

But there is always tomorrow right?

But if there is not then what?

I wish I could be as simple and as plane as others think of me. Life would be a whole lot easier for me. And yes maybe even those around me that has to deal with all of my deep thoughts.
I just can't help it. It's my nature and will always be m nature till the last breath I take in.

Some times I just sit back and watch others and wonder what if.

What if they had to live there lives all over again would they do the same thing?
Would they love the same way?

Whose to say and more than likely most wouldn’t be honest about it to some one much less to even be honest with their self.

So when your standing there waiting for the old to end and the new to come in think back on the year you are leaving. Just take a second and really look at what you are leaving there.

Take what was wonderful with you in your heart.

Remember those you were there for you with a kind hand or was there to just listen.
The ones that offered the shoulder and was really there to give it. No matter what.

To the stranger in the grocery store that just smiled at you and made you smile back even if you were having a bad day.
To the person that made you look at something you knew was always there but never really paid attention to or took the time to see through their eyes.

To the small things in life as a hug or a kiss or just that simple light touch of the fingers on the hand as you past each other in the hall. Or simply just driving 2 hours away just to see some ones face and hear there voice in person instead of sitting there and trying to remember what they sounded like or how their face lights up when they smile at you.

To playing footy’s under the table. To holding someone in your arms and feeling their heart beat with yours.

And a kiss that you just get lost in and never want to find your way every again.
To just being a friend and a lover what other gift could be as wonderful to receive as it is to give.

To just laying their in each others arms and getting lost in the moment wanting it to last forever.

Like in that wonderful movie that comes to my mind “Meet Joe Black”.

Do you stop and think before you go around that corner never knowing if there will ever be another chance.

Wondering what if, what could be, maybe I should…..

Or do you run up and throw your arms wide open and say you are the one I have waited for all my life.

You make me whole. And with out you there I am truly nothing but a half.

What would you do????

Well every once in a while I really get sentimental and I guess if there is ever a time for it well this would be a perfect time.

The end of yet another year that can't be relived except for in the mind like a movie...

Fact is we are not granted anything in life. Not tomorrow, next week, next month or even the next hour or minute.

So do you look back at yet another year ending with thoughts of I wish I would have done this or that?

Or do you step through that dream and keep holding on to it with hopes that it carries you to the top of the highest mountain?

Do you hold on tight to what is right in front of you right this very moment?

Do you take that fairytale and make something with it?

Or do you just let it die along side of the dreams you have got a taste of?

I don't have all the answers for you my friends.

I don't think I have any of the answers.

I don’t even have an answer to my own life’s problems.

However I listen and somewhere in side of me hopes that you find your way to where you want to be. Hopefully it is a happier place and much more peaceful.

Maybe I will finally find the place where I am to be. The place where I will smile and be happy.

Where the fears and tears and even the doubts can’t weight me down.

Yeah that is a wonderful dream isn’t it to finally be happy and be with that special person that is happy to be with me….

Don't let yet another year go with out dreaming or making a simple wish.
Or just looking up at the big full moon and either thinking of that special one and smiling.

Well once again I find my self rambling words that some will not even understand and will simply just blow off.
To those I am sorry for taking up your time.

To all please have a safe and HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERY ONE......
Wonderful wishes and dreams from,
MY MOM............

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

good post, great one for a novice. get well soon.