Thursday, May 22, 2008

The SPUR of the moment

Well it's one of those night's where I can't sleep again. So I sit up an channel surf. Well if you don't have the power pack channel's where you get a million channel's then it doesn't take much time to surf then

I'm not sure how many of you get restless out there but there are times I get very restless.

I can feel that restless hook sticking into me and it hasn't just yet pulled me in but it's getting very close. I am one of those people that really don't like to make a lot of plans. Of course I don't need to now since my kids have grown up and have taken a life of their own

No husband to clear things with just me. Sometimes that is great but then there are sometimes it's dull and boring. Of course this means there are a lot of time that you go places alone. And there are many times you eat alone also unless you have plenty of friends to call on.

The problem with this is 98% of my friends have jobs where they just can't leave on a SPUR of the moment. And then the ones that husband, kids what other obligations that stands in the way of just jumping into the car and just driving away ...LOL...

I on the other hand love to just take off and drive and clear my head and think of whats worrying me or making me feel down.

I love to drive different places. But I also like to drive to places that have wonderful meaning to me too.....
Specially one's that brings warm happy memories back to me and even though they may also bring a few tears of some sort of sadness the memories are wonderful and happy.
The tears are of lost wishes. "I wish it could have lasted longer". "I wish he was here with me now holding my hand in his". "I wish I could have told him one more time that I loved him before he drove away". "I wish I could feel his arms around me one more time". And one last but not least because I could sit here and list so many wishes that was lost but I truly think there would be no end to the list. So for now the finally one I will list is "I wish I could feel his body next to mine so I could feel him breath and his heart beating"......

Yes I am a very sentimental person all the way to the bone.

I collect memories as others would collect books or even picture's. I have a gift for storing them safe away and being able to pull them up to remember at certain times. All it takes is some song or seeing something. And even a smell. Sometimes it can be very painful to recall things because some are not always happy and those are the ones that hurts very much.
I know you have saw those people that are at the red light next to you alone in there vehicle talking with them selves or have a mysterious smile on their face just looking out there enjoying what ever it is they are recalling. Then their are the ones that sit next to you with the sadness you could feel by just looking at them. And if you just sit there and watch you could see that first tear drop slowly make it's journey over the cheek and down over the face. Well I have been there in that place before. Sitting at the light and going threw the same motions.

Well let me say this I have times when I have to just escape away from this place and either go to the ocean and sit and watch the waves roll in and release what ever is troubling me into the water as it traces it's path back to the ocean.

Or head over towards the west where there is a wonderful lake that I found when I was much younger and in high school. This wonderful lake has the weeping willow trees tick toeing in and out around the lake with other trees. But my favorite are the weeping willows. There is a bench on the north side of the lake close to the public library that has this wonderful willow so close that the weeping branches seem to flow down and touch your shoulder as if to say your not alone and " I'll stand next to and weep with you my friend." So when this time comes from the restless feeling I pack a bag with not much in it. My toothbrush, a favorite shirt that he gave to me and sometimes a pair of worn boxers that the elastic from the band has become UN-threaded and just a small part has let go and opened (also his). My book I write my thoughts in ( and now my laptop) and a camera to take pictures of what catches my eye.
It could be a bird or animal or an elderly couple walking hand in hand as if they are holding on to something so precious that they just can't let it slip away. Anything that triggers a special a part in my soul.

The other thing that is important to my journey is a quarter. Now this is not just any quarter it's a very special quarter. It's a 2005 quarter with KANSAS 1861 on it along with a Buffalo .
(My special coin)

Now you may wonder why this is such a special coin to me. First reason it was the first coin that I found heads up that I made a wish on. Second is on the front it has a E in black marker on the top and on the back it has a W also in black marker on the bottom just under this massive creature that once was all but instinct. So laugh if you wish but from that moment on every time I came a cross one of those coins or a penny heads up or even the nickle that carries the Buffalo on it's back I take it and close my eyes and make a wish rub it between my fingers and place it in a box with all the others.

So I take this special quarter and I flip it into the air as so many people do for that heads or tails flip. This determines if I will go east or west.

The last time I flipped this coin when the restless hook me. The coin was tossed into the air and turned many times and upon landing I closed my eyes and said silent to my self "East or West the one chosen will be seen in my eyes as beauty and will help release what makes me sad and leave my heart and soul lighter". I know it's kind of stupid maybe but I do what I need to. As each of us all we choose things in our lives to help us in the times when we just can't seem to shake that gloom. Beside never knock it or put something down until you try it. Just adjust it to what you need at the time.
So the last time I tossed that quarter it went through the air and as it turned and started down I closed my eyes and said my words and then I slowly opened them and saw W so I knew which direction I would travel.
Now from where I live this lake that is west of me that I love is about an hour to and hour and fourty five minutes away. Depending on the traffic and what time you go.

So I pack my goody bag with the stuff I might need. Sometimes I pack a little more just in case I decide to stay a little longer or just keep driving (who Knows right)
(HWY 60) (My friend Monk from the last story)

I call just one or two people usually one of those people I call in my best friend Monk. Because if I don't I'll sure hear about it somewhere down the road. Then I am off. Driving Thur traffic isn't that bad and I take my time and think as I go. I put the CD's that I have chose to listen in and just go. The closer I get to where I am going the one or two butterfly's will start flaring up but that's usually it.

Now when I turn off HWY 60 and head down on Florida Ave I feel some release. As I start getting closer into the downtown area you can see the large swan's they have made that are sited around the down town area. And let me tell you the are wonderful. With their colors and different designs. Each are different colored. Then comes the road I turn on and I can see it the lake. So beautiful and smooth as glass.

I drive slow around the lake to find a place to park. Hopefully under a large old grandfather tree that branches reach out to shade the walk way and road. Upon parking I get out and take my bag and camera and lets not to forget a loaf of bread or two. I always have to feed them. So my small bag with writing materials and camera on one shoulder and a plastic bad with no less than 2 loafs of bread I cross the small street and start up over to the lake.

(Lake Morton)
Most of the times I have been there I never park close to where I end up at. There is one place I always sit and it's over by the library under this wonderful whipping willow tree. The bench there is hard but if you take a pretty thick towel it will do so you rear doesn't get that numbing feeling after sitting a while. (Black & White and it is still lovely)

Then you sit every thing down and get comfortable and it's like they know what the bread bag sounds like. They start to come a few at first but then they start swimming across the lake and you have so many wanting to eat.

(Just looking)

(Coming for Dinner)

Out of all that are there from the ducks of many breads to the pellicans and even seagulls the favorite of mine are the swans. That's why I my self call it Swan Lake. But the real name is Lake Morton. The swans are so graceful as the swim threw the water. Like a feather in the wind floating softly as it glides to where it will take it's landing.

(Mommy and her babies)

There are white swans, black swans and even gray swans. The have fence cages that are high and locked where the nest are located and the eggs are laided. You can walk around certain times and see the eggs and the parents laying and moving around. But once the eggs hatch then there are these ugly little dowen feathered clumps moving around and in the water. It's so beautiful.

(This is just a few of the many Swan's with their babies at the lake)

I'll sit and watch them all and then it will bring back a memory and that's when I start writting.

(This is what I miss the most)

This is a very special place for me. And I have never really shared this with any one. At least any one but one special person. And this is a very special freind. So I hope if my special friend does reads this blog and see's this post will know that I have been thinking of you and I would like to tell you " life just isn't the same that your not around right now". So I guess the wishing coin a wish could be made and you know what the wish would be. And as I sit there on Swan Lake and remember when we walked around the lake and sat at the very bench under the willow tree I sit at now. You know who I wish was sitting there with me feeding the swans and ducks. You could take my hand in your's and hold it tight. Then look over at me an give me that wonderful smile you always give me.

(This was a beautiful picture)

I hope all is well with you. Hey I miss you and I hope where ever you are that if you find even if it's a few moments you find yourself having a thought of me and wondering about me. And just maybe you'll have a smile on your face and a warm thought as I do when I think of you.
(Sun Set Over Lake Morton)

If you are out here drive by and say hello to the swans. Sit at our bench and smile and make a wish. Think of me.


Anonymous said...

I know how it is to go places alone, and to be that person at the red light. and your stories always touch the heart in some way.

My man in the moon said...

Thanks Ashley I just write from the heart and soul. Sometimes I get to writting and it's like reliving it all again.

Mental P Mama said...

Beautiful. Just beautiful. Wishing you the best of everything.